I Broke My Toothbrush

This has never happened. There I am practicing proper dental hygiene, brushing away on my bicuspids when snap! My freaking toothbrush fractures right across the middle of the shaft. This left me dumbfounded. Imagine me standing there in my boxers gripping the ruined toothbrush, a trickle of Aquafresh drool running down my chin.

I hadn't even done my lower jaw yet.

A myriad of solutions ran through my head. I could duct tape it. I could use the short half, although reaching the back molars would be difficult: I'd have to shove a good portion of my fist into my mouth. I could use my wife's toothbrush. I could simply swish the mixture of toothpaste and saliva around in my mouth, spit it out, and call it good.

Even more troubling, though, is this thought. Am I brushing a little too hard? All those television commercials have taught me that icky germs and yucky plaque are constantly assailing my teeth and gums. You can't blame me for applying a little bit of pressure to try to kill those little microscopic bastards. The TV commercial animations of the Germs That Can Cause Bad Breath And Cavities make them out to look like sinister alien invaders.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is war.

I don't want a plastic toothbrush any more. I want one forged in steel, with wire bristles and lasers that shoot out the end of it to kill the Germs That Can Cause Gingivitis. Either that, or I'll start using bleach as a mouthwash.

A Boy Named Tater

My dear father, LeRoy Nuke 'Em, likes to watch rodeos. It was because of this that I became aware of a guy named Tater. Seriously. He rides bulls for a living. I guess if your name is Tater Porter, there isn't much else you can do.

From what I understand, Tater is pretty good at riding bulls. I'm not. Bulls scare me. Plus my name is only Todd, and guys named Todd are certainly destined to be sissy little book-writing radio DJ wussies. Hey, I'm happy with my fate.

That's Tater Porter on the right.

People, if you're expecting a son, and you want a name that will put hair on his chest, let me suggest naming him Tater. Especially if your last name happens to be Tot.

For more details on Tater Porter, go to www.taterporter.com.

todd's iPod 4/22

10:20 "Bleed Like Me" Garbage (Read the review of their new album in the CD review section of X96.com. http://www.x96.com/12605TIME/music/cdreviews/garbage.asp)

1:20 "Green Mind" Dink (A little taste of the Shuffle Weekend...)

I wonder if Tater's middle name is DeReese or Carlos...

Ninety Minutes of Sunshine

It was another long day at the radio station as we prepare for the Shuffle Weekend. I'm excited for it; I hope you like it.

When I got home, Mrs. Nuke 'Em suggested we go for a ride and get something to eat somewhere ... anywhere. I was exhausted so it sounded like a great idea. Going anywhere with Mrs. Nuke 'Em is fine with me.

After a day pretty much filled with rain, the clouds in the west frayed apart, letting the sun throw great coppery bars into the valley as we drove along Interstate 15 into Layton. The new Morrissey album Live at Earls Court blasted out of the stereo as we cruised along, both of us feeling like sixteen-year-olds with the newfound freedom of driving. We ended up at the Burger Bar in Layton just sitting in the car eating drive-in cuisine (slightly better than mac & cheese and asparagus) listening to Morrissey belting out excellent music. He performs the old Smith's classic "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" on the CD, and it sort of knocked me into a trance.

There I was with my dear Mrs. Nuke 'Em having the time of my life. It doesn't take much. Just being with her is enough. She doesn't know it--and she might scoff when I tell her--but she saved my life.

She saves it every day.

We were in between cloudbursts and the sunset stained the twists of clouds hovering above the western horizon into an amber and fiery backdrop as the sun scrolled down into the Great Salt Lake. By the time we were home it had started to sprinkle again.

todd's iPod 4/21

10:20 "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" Morrissey (This is another old Smith's classic performed on Morrissey's live album Live at Earls Court.)

1:20 "Would?" Alice in Chains (I needed some grunge.)

Cats, Macaroni & Cheese, Hair Cut

How I spent the evening of 4/19/05

It began with a long day at work. I didn't leave until well after 7:30 p.m. since I was busily preparing the X96 database of music for something new: a Shuffle Weekend. We're going to put it on Shuffle and let it play whatever. This will be something we've never done. I hope you don't mind Oingo Boingo and Depeche Mode. If we've ever played it on X96, it might show up on the air this weekend. Disturbed, Ramones, New Order, Pearl Jam, The Smiths, Green Day, The Cult, Weezer, The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, and Oingo Boingo all in the same hour? Dear God. (Yeah, we might even play that song, too.) We will press the Shuffle Button this Friday at 3 p.m. It will be an adventure, I promise.

But back to my odd behavior from last night...

After a delicious and nutritious dinner of macaroni & cheese with asparagus, I knew it wouldn't be long until I decided to give myself a make-over. Asparagus has that effect on me.



I'm not a vegetarian, but whatever.


Was it boredom that made me get out the hair clippers? Possibly. No, probably. This is what happens when Mr. Nuke 'Em has too much spare time. You should also be aware that I'm not currently working on a writing project, so I've got extra hours in the day where I need to find entertainment. And I wasn't going to watch American Idol.




Giving the toupee a nice trim.

The clippers were so much fun that I wanted to share. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.





(The kitty was neither harmed, nor groomed in any way for this insipid nonsense.)

Now you know what Todd Nuke 'Em does when he's not at the radio station. Frightening, huh? Anybody need a hair cut? Call me.

todd's iPod for April twentieth

10:20 "We Close Our Eyes" Oingo Boingo (That one was for ZDS.)
1:20 "Cut Your Hair" Pavement (Because ... well ... I cut my hair. You should cut yours.)

BIG DRAMA ON EVERWOOD

In case you missed last night's Everwood (WB 30 monday 8 p.m.) let me give you a quick re-cap of all the drama.

Ephram finds out that the baby sitter was actually pregnant with his love child ... and that his father (played by Treat Williams and his beard) was instrumental in keeping the pregnancy hidden. There was a great scene when Ephram (Gregory Smith) and his father confront each other about the situation. Those two have excellent on-screen chemistry. Ephram eventually seeks solace with Amy (Emily Van Camp.)

Guys, the lesson learned here is obvious: don't get on the baby sitter.

In other Everwood action, Bright (Chris Pratt) decides to get a job, much to the delight of his father (Tom Amandes).

Note that the scene where the baby sitter and Ephram discuss the pregnancy was shot in the Beehive Tea Room. A scene in the doctor's office has a clear view of the Ko Ko Mo Club through the window on Ogden's 25th Street. I love locally filmed television shows!

Will the rift between Ephram and Dr. Brown ever be solved? Tune in next week for all the drama.

Todd's iPod for 4/19

10:20 a.m. "Dear God" XTC (Sounds like somebody didn't pay attention in Primary! Was that song too "out there" for you? Let me know.)

1:20 p.m. "Hello" Poe (This is different than the version on the album. She recored this cut with her touring band for more of a "live" feel. During one of the Big Ass Shows from years ago, Poe actually threw birthday cake at my dear friend Mike Summers. You have to love Poe.)

Pink Shoes

It shouldn't surprise you to find out that I finally got the damn pink Vans that I've been talking about. Over the weekend I ended up in the Vans store in Fashion Place and I simply could not resist the pink shoes.



Vans should pay me for product placement!

No smart-ass requests for "Pretty in Pink" by Psychedelic Furs, please.

Oh boy! It's Monday!

Todd's iPod

10:20 a.m. "Blue Orchid" The White Stripes (I expected it to not suck. But it does.)
1:20 p.m. "Pretty in Pink" Psychedelic Furs (Nothing beats a certified classic like this old stand-by.)