I Broke My Toothbrush
This has never happened. There I am practicing proper dental hygiene, brushing away on my bicuspids when snap! My freaking toothbrush fractures right across the middle of the shaft. This left me dumbfounded. Imagine me standing there in my boxers gripping the ruined toothbrush, a trickle of Aquafresh drool running down my chin.
I hadn't even done my lower jaw yet.
A myriad of solutions ran through my head. I could duct tape it. I could use the short half, although reaching the back molars would be difficult: I'd have to shove a good portion of my fist into my mouth. I could use my wife's toothbrush. I could simply swish the mixture of toothpaste and saliva around in my mouth, spit it out, and call it good.
Even more troubling, though, is this thought. Am I brushing a little too hard? All those television commercials have taught me that icky germs and yucky plaque are constantly assailing my teeth and gums. You can't blame me for applying a little bit of pressure to try to kill those little microscopic bastards. The TV commercial animations of the Germs That Can Cause Bad Breath And Cavities make them out to look like sinister alien invaders.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is war.
I don't want a plastic toothbrush any more. I want one forged in steel, with wire bristles and lasers that shoot out the end of it to kill the Germs That Can Cause Gingivitis. Either that, or I'll start using bleach as a mouthwash.
I hadn't even done my lower jaw yet.
A myriad of solutions ran through my head. I could duct tape it. I could use the short half, although reaching the back molars would be difficult: I'd have to shove a good portion of my fist into my mouth. I could use my wife's toothbrush. I could simply swish the mixture of toothpaste and saliva around in my mouth, spit it out, and call it good.
Even more troubling, though, is this thought. Am I brushing a little too hard? All those television commercials have taught me that icky germs and yucky plaque are constantly assailing my teeth and gums. You can't blame me for applying a little bit of pressure to try to kill those little microscopic bastards. The TV commercial animations of the Germs That Can Cause Bad Breath And Cavities make them out to look like sinister alien invaders.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is war.
I don't want a plastic toothbrush any more. I want one forged in steel, with wire bristles and lasers that shoot out the end of it to kill the Germs That Can Cause Gingivitis. Either that, or I'll start using bleach as a mouthwash.
posted by Todd Nuke 'Em at 6:13 AM
4 Comments:
Shuffle weekend is sounding good. Nice to hear "we close our eyes" on the radio. Kickass!
No more western family toothbrushs! That'll teach you.
Ask Tater what he's brushing with. If you look at his picture, he's got a pearly white smile.
Tater does have some nice pearly-whites in his bull-riding smile.
Yee-Haw!
I'll ask him about toothpaste, too.
Cheap bastards I bet that they don't even use there own cheap bastard breaking toothbrushs they're probably using their own golden forged "One Ring", with laser killing germ bastards...
Besides bleach doesn't good!
Malfunctioned?
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